Isaiah 30

I’m sitting in the Bipartisan right now.  Seconds ago the area next to me was swarming with nursing school students, all wearing their blue scrubs and talking about issues related to heart disease.  I couldn’t help but feel out of place wearing my Carhartts and typing on my computer, working hard at making an xml file for work.  It was weird to feel like I stood out so much sitting next to those people, but it was also good because it got me reflecting.  Feeling like I am in the middle of a bunch of people who have totally different values than me is nothing new.  I feel it almost everyday in Portland.  I go to coffee shops and have conversations with people and realize that what I say and what I value as a Christ follower makes me stand out just as much as being the guy wearing Carharrts and a hooded sweatshirt, sitting in the midst of a swarm of nurses-to-be.

Yesterday in the lifegroup I’m involved in, we read through Isaiah 30.  It was a good chapter to read and I was thinking back about it.  There’s two interesting sections I was hoping I could point out.  The first is verses 1 and 2 which state:

“Woe to the obstinate children,” 
       declares the LORD, 
       “to those who carry out plans that are not mine, 
       forming an alliance, but not by my Spirit, 
       heaping sin upon sin;       who go down to Egypt 
       without consulting me; 
       who look for help to Pharaoh’s protection, 
       to Egypt’s shade for refuge.

As Israel realizes it is in trouble, it has started looking to Egypt as a possible means of help.  This inevitably points out a crazy contrast, which is that before it was Egypt who had oppressed Israel, it was Egypt who had enslaved the people of Israel, and here is Israel looking to the people who had been their oppressors to now protect them.  Something has gone wrong: God’s people are looking to their former masters(they were slaves after all) to protect them.  It’s not the first time the people have looked to Egypt as maybe being not that bad of a thing.  Even as God was delivering the people to the promised land, they kept thinking it would be better to go back to Egypt.  Seeking Egypt’s help was a sign that they had forgotten their identity as a people: a people who had a very different protection system.

This shows up in the other verse that stood out to me as well.  Verse 12 and 13 state:

Therefore, this is what the Holy One of Israel says: 
       “Because you have rejected this message, 
       relied on oppression 
       and depended on deceit,

 this sin will become for you 
       like a high wall, cracked and bulging, 
       that collapses suddenly, in an instant.

God’s people were not living the way they were created to as a nation.  It had been set apart from the beginning that they would be a different sort of nation, but instead they began to rely on oppression and deceit.  These are the tools of any regular nation, not the people of God.  God had set up rules for how they would act precisely so they wouldn’t fall into oppression and deceit.  these people began relying on oppression and deceit and looking to Egypt for help.  In other words, they were not operating as the people of God, but they were operating just like their neighbors.

I am struck as I continue to read through the prophets of how these issues of justice come up.  Before I had had this notion that what Israel had done wrong was build some idols, have premarital sex and maybe forget to do sacrifices.  But the more I read, the more I realize, they were actually continuing to act in their religion, they were offering sacrifices, they were also being pluralistic, but they were offering sacrifices.  But this issue of justice keeps coming up as I read, they were acting like the world in how they did business and how they engaged in politics.  God repeats this over and over.

What if as the church we have been emphasizing the wrong parts about what it means to be worldly?  We worry about listening to positive, uplifting music, but we engage in oppressive consumption.  We talk about loving our neighbor but don’t back it up by how we spend money.  We talk about God’s love for the poor, but then side with politicians who favor the rich.

Has anyone else found themselves getting their understanding of what it means to be a Christ follower shifted this way?  How are you processing these types of things?  Do you think I’m wrong in what I’m reading?

Success is a Dish Best Served with Meat

Today marks day 14 of me not eating meat.  I have successfully made it the two weeks that a certain friend told me she thought I couldn’t make.  A lot has changed in those two weeks, including the nature of how I relate to that certain friend.

When I was in church this morning, God was really working on me about complaining about painful times in life, that I like to complain about those, but it’s those very times that He is most using to shape me into who He is making me to be.  Pretty much my conversation with God during church today went something like this….

BD: bew hew… this always happens to me
God: Bryan, you realize that I know that you are complaining about this, but I have a reason why I let things happen to you.
BD: well, yeah…  but I just want to not wait
God: So, you think you know what’s best for you?
BD: oh yeah, I guess you are right.  It’s always in the painful things I want to be over that I learn the most.

This is of course an abbreviation and one that makes me sound better than I actually sounded.  After church I visited Zach, and he helped me realize I wasn’t depressed about what I thought I was depressed about.  Then Richard and I talked about Anchor Church stuff, which was exciting.

Then I talked to Katie Visker on the phone, which was extremely good!  If there was two people that I wish lived in Portland, it would be Clayton and Katie.  Maybe one day they will move here.

I am off, I think I may go for a walk and listen to the Glorious Unseen and talk with God.

P.S. on the title… Tomorrow I am going to eat meat, and it will be glorious!

rain, on further reflection

I have found myself complaining about the rain a lot in the last few days.  What’s funny is that I actually enjoy the rain and the colder temperatures that Portland usually provides.  The idea of rain bringing life to God’s creation, and just that whole process is a good one, and one that is too easily unappreciated because we just want sun.

The funny thing is, when it’s hot, we want it to rain.  When it’s raining we want it to be hot.  When it’s fall, we just wish it would be spring, when it’s winter, that it would be summer etc.

One of the things I enjoy most about Portland is going for walks in the rain.  In fact I’ve kind of totally gotten out of the habit of going for walks, and I think I need it.

Passed

Well, whatever it was that had me down has passed, I am back to being more my normal self.  I have a feeling part of it is having meat withdrawls(I’m on day 5 of no meat), and part of it was me just not having rested and allowing bad thoughts to slip into my head.

I remembered some discussion of a church father’s writing, and I wish I could remember who it was, because it was very helpful.  What I think he said was that when you find yourself in a place where you feel like you might be experiencing oppression, that you go into a place by yourself and pray, standing up, facing east with hands in the air.  And as you pray you let your focus shift from you to God.  Then you do the sign of the cross and continue to dwell on how God is drawing you to Himself, and how you are a part of God’s story.  I know that I have modified it some from what I had read, but I found that it did work, because doing that sort of prayerful reflection always leads me to looking back at God rather than myself.  By the end I found myself praying out loud that I was thankful that God was in control and not me.

Crazy experience, but definitely part of dwelling on who this God is that revealed Himself in Jesus to draw us to Him.

exhausted

I am spiritually and mentally exhausted, so I have decided to postpone on writing about my reactions to the sign, for the sake of being charitable.  Today I’m just going to put up two prayers, because to be totally honest, I think that’s all I have in the tank right now.  I’m probably going to be praying at least one of these prayers all day.

The first is the prayer of St. Francis:

Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;

where there is hatred, let me sow love;

where there is injury, pardon;

where there is doubt, faith;

where there is despair, hope;

where there is darkness, light;

and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,

grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;

to be understood, as to understand;

to be loved, as to love;

for it is in giving that we receive,

it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

Amen.

The second is the Jesus Prayer

Lord Jesus, Son of God
have mercy on me, a sinner.

Compiling

Compiling c0de takes a long time on my laptop and my laptop already isn’t the most productive around, so I’m getting a fair amount of time to tinker with my iPhone.

I had forgotten how much I enjoy the problem solving aspect of c0ding. Specifically I am getting to deal with bugs, which is probably the best job possible for me in terms of not getting bored.

In some ways though I feel like being in Colville promotes some sort of duality because when I am here my primary roles are cousin and c0der whereas in Portland my primary roles are pastor and friend. Somewhere in between those is the person I probably am and somewhere else is the idea of who I want to become.

All that to say being here is good because it gives me cause to reflect about who I am and who I’m becoming and talk with some of the people who have known me the best for the longest. I do miss all my friends and acquaintences in Portland and am happy about the direction God is taking my life!